October 2, 2012

  • where will the baby steps take me?

     

     

    I have recently taken one baby step that I was encouraged to take by someone.  It's bringing a lot of thoughts and emotions...

    - Why couldn't I take that step (before now) without someone doing the encouraging?  
    - - - However, I know I've had to wait too.  But I'm frustrated that I wasn't "good enough" to be ready/capable before now, on my own.

    - I'm angry that the person who encouraged me was not my mom nor from my family.
    - I'm afraid -- that it will bring a war, or a negative outcome.  I'm so afraid that it will cause more heartache.

    But... I'm more afraid that if I don't keep taking steps forward that I will be the same as my mom.  That I will be looked at by my own child as not having done enough.  So, I am going to continue forward - even though I have anger and disappointment (mingled with heartache and feelings of unworthiness) as well as fear of the unknown that lies ahead. 

     

    I'm sorry for the ambiguous blog.... I just needed to write a little.