Month: October 2012

  • While I wait...

    Waiting for a phone call this morning.  I'm nervous about it - but also sort of worried that it will end up being less than what I'm hoping for too.

    Found a quiz at Megabyte's that I thought I'd waste my time with...

     

    1. What's a question you're afraid to ask? To whom?

    I think I know the answer to this question vaguely, but don't want to think about it right now.  It's on a rather fresh subject that is still sorting itself out, I suppose... or perhaps it's that I know the answer and I don't like the idea of what it is.  :-S 

    2. What's something you hide about your personality?

    I can be kind of sneaky.  I'm not proud of this at all.  I think it's an unhealthy coping mechanism, perhaps. 

    3. What’s something other people think about you that you don’t agree with?

    I disagree with a lot of Republican thinking.  Not everything... but a lot of it.  Oddly enough, I was very aligned with Republican thinking before the past 5 years.  Hmmm... maybe Obama put something in the drinking water.  

    4. How do you deal with criticism?

    If it's constructive criticism that told in a healthy way, I'm open to it and typically want to hear it (doesn't mean I will always make the change - cuz I can be stubborn as heckydurn, but I still want to hear it.)  If it's the "unhealthy" type of criticism, it's hard on me.  Sometimes it shuts me down, and makes me beat up on myself (while not likely to make me change too.)

    5. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?:

    I probably haven't given credit enough to the sweet things that HAVE been done to help me over the past 5 years.  It's hard to acknowledge one thing and omit the others too... 

    6. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

    Perhaps it was a surprise birthday party.   

    7. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

    Hmmm... I will list a few things and they can choose one or all of the following

      • Pay off my debts
      • Help me to get a really good lawyer
      • Let me live with them until I can get a job & on my feet in FL, closer to my son
      • Pick one or more items off my Pinterest board to get me  cool  1, 2, 3  shy

    8. Describe your favorite texture

    I think it's the really, really ultra-soft brushed cotton (or similar fabric).  

    9. Which fictional character would you most like to have lunch with and why?

    I don't think it would be Calvin (from Calvin & Hobbes) because that would probably end up as a train wreck, lol... so, I will go with Superman (or Marty McFly).  Why:  they can reverse time/change the past... which I would hope to be able to convince them to do for me during the time at lunch.  

    10. Who would you say is your “anti” role model?

    Is this asking me to list famous people that I am disgusted with?  There are too many to list... but here's a few.

      • Kim Kardashian (though I like her sis, Chloe)
      • Lindsey Lohan

    11. What kind of underwear do you imagine Sherlock Holmes wears?

      • what the heck kind of question is this?? 
        • shamrock boxers??

    12. What’s one of the most difficult things you’ve ever had to do?

      • send all my son's stuff to him at his father's

    13. If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?

      • diamond (so I could be of value)... this is a dumb question too

    14. What’s the most infuriating thing your parents (or caregiver) do?

      • mom: not taking a stand against the wrong going on with regards to my son.  Not helping me in the same way she was helped.
      • dad: not admitting he did wrong

    15. Which movie character do you most identify with and why?

      • I don't know... I really like Elinor Dashwood from Sense & Sensibility as a person to aspire to be more like, I guess

    16.  You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy?

      • I would steal the morphing potions from Yzma (from Emporer's New Groove) to change them into a kitten.   I would then hand them to the 1st ADHD 6 year old that I could find    lol

    17. What did you think about before you fell asleep last night

      • I forget now

    18. What’s the oddest term of endearment you’ve ever used or that someone’s used for you?

      • ?

    19. What motivates you in life?

      • my son

    20. What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you?

      • reading...  I blame college

    21. How do you think you will fare when the Zombie Apocalypse arrives?

      • I'll probably be one of the first to go.

    22. Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life.

      • Having to walk up a huge flight of stairs for an interview, and between that and the anxiety I felt, not being able to catch my breath to answer the questions without making gasping-for-air sounds.

    23. What’s something that scares you about the future?

      • not knowing how the relationship will be between my son and me

    24. List 5 quirky things about yourself.

      1. I like to acknowledge the "likes" of a person on facebook/pinterest 
      2. I like to turn the a/c on full blast when I first get into my car (unless it's cold outside) 
      3. I love baby toes... they make me go "ooooh" and "aaaawww"
      4. I struggle with needing (wanting) ultra-validation or accompaniment to do certain things  
      5. I generally don't like to have several different shoes to choose from - I usually like one pair and wear the heck out of them til they die

    25. What’s the weirdest item you've ever mourned?

      • a mobile home  

    26. If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?

      • it would be a like an ultra long train ride that took you through an amusement park, that had stops along the way where you could get off to get a closer look or to eat, etc. The ride would allow you to see different shows while you're on it 

    27. Do you have any “rules” about food?

      • can't think of any right now

    28. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

      • I think it's most important that it be emotionally healthy... and I think it is somewhat important to look at how it may affect the relationships in your family too

    29. What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about?

      • have a breast reduction and major fat/skin removal

    30. Describe a time/event in your life that you’re nostalgic for.

      • my grandma's house when I was around the age of 5

    31. How do you approach social situations?

      • I generally get anxious about social situations, but especially when it's a new setting/people 

    32. What is your ideal bed? Why?

      • soft but firmly supportive, and has something I can lean against (like up against a wall or something like that)

     

  • where will the baby steps take me?

     

     

    I have recently taken one baby step that I was encouraged to take by someone.  It's bringing a lot of thoughts and emotions...

    - Why couldn't I take that step (before now) without someone doing the encouraging?  
    - - - However, I know I've had to wait too.  But I'm frustrated that I wasn't "good enough" to be ready/capable before now, on my own.

    - I'm angry that the person who encouraged me was not my mom nor from my family.
    - I'm afraid -- that it will bring a war, or a negative outcome.  I'm so afraid that it will cause more heartache.

    But... I'm more afraid that if I don't keep taking steps forward that I will be the same as my mom.  That I will be looked at by my own child as not having done enough.  So, I am going to continue forward - even though I have anger and disappointment (mingled with heartache and feelings of unworthiness) as well as fear of the unknown that lies ahead. 

     

    I'm sorry for the ambiguous blog.... I just needed to write a little.