September 4, 2012

  • will I ever celebrate recovery ?

     

    So, today I went to a Celebrate Recovery class here in Texas.  I have never been to Celebrate Recovery before (but I have been to something similar).  I have a hard time with comparing new experiences with old experiences - but I know I need to fight this issue if I want this class to go successfully. 

    Going tonight made me think about of one of the old groups I went to - how the main leader made me feel wanted and valuable as a part of the group.  I know I want that - but can't "expect" it.  It made me homesick for Georgia - but I know things might be a different even if I did find some way to make it back to Georgia eventually. 

    I didn't tell my mom that I went to the class, I didn't want her to pry - - I told her I was doing something else related to my volunteer work/job.  She wanted to ask a lot of questions about that even, and got a little upset that I didn't "spill" about my experience... I think it's better that I am keeping this from her - I don't want to risk setbacks during this.

    Tonight in class I got to watch a testimony from someone who had been through the group, which was really good.  Afterwards I met with a woman who showed a video of various people who talked about why they joined Celebrate Recovery... she shared a little about what brought her to the group too.  I didn't share a lot - I guess it takes me a little bit to warm up to people to share sometimes.

    Overall, I am glad I didn't leave with a bad taste in my mouth about the group.  The group wasn't too big nor too small... I am trying not to have expectations and need to work on not comparing it in several different ways... I think there are a lot of bubbling emotions regarding my walk/feelings towards God and my lack of relationship with him right now... I worry about how that might interfere with "the process" somewhat - but I guess I need to just be present with where I'm at and tackle those issues as they come up. 


    Thoughts and feelings about the things I'm powerless over.

    • Struggling with feeling "stuck" here in Texas - it's funny how a new situation/experience will enhance that feeling somewhat.

    Ways I've discovered God or sensed His presence today.

    • I hope that God is opening a door to healing with him - and will help me through the stubbornness I am dealing with in regards to having a relationship with Him.

    Today's victories.

    • I was told I got the job today.  Pay rate wasn't nearly as high as originally stated, but I'm grateful to have work, routine and purpose.
    • I went to Celebrate Recovery today.

    Today's defeats.

    • I think I did okay today... not perfect - but okay.