June 17, 2012

• shun my dad for father's day, please

   

  Everyone's starting to post happy father's day notes on their facebook walls.  I guess it's triggering some feelings of anger and frustration for me.  My dad deserves no honor for all that he's done to both my family and me - yet I believe all 3 of my brothers will honor him on Sunday.  

  I want him shunned, to feel the shame that he's made me (and them) feel... I actually want him to be very publically humiliated in a way that will last a long time.

  I want my brothers to feel the hurt and anger towards him that I feel.  It hurts me that they turn a blind eye to all that he has done to me, to them, to others...

   

  So very un-Christian (and unforgiving) of me, I know... but that's what I feel.  I know I need to work on this, because it's only holding me back in my life and I know it's not hurting him for me to feel this way too.  Ugh.  

  But deep down, I think I still want healing and resolution between us.  I just want him to say he's sorry, to say that he wants the best for me... that he wants to "be there" like he wasn't before.  I definitely won't believe/hope that it's a remote possibility.  I accept that there sometimes aren't the happy endings that we yearn for.  

   

  

   

  I have been slacking at blogging like I want to (need to)... I don't know if I will get any better... I know I have more to write too, but that's all I'm writing for now.

  • 1:08 am
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