May 28, 2012
-
Memorial Day issues...
Tired of having so many issues really. :(
The first is that my son will be 15 tomorrow. So many thoughts and feelings flood me - my heart is breaking more and more with each day and special event that passes. I feel like God has given up on helping us reunite. I feel like my son has given up on wanting to have me in his life too.
The other issue... events, in general. My mom is having a friend (maybe 2?) over today... she is grilling out (ribs, asparagus, and jalapeno peppers that she will stuff w/ cream cheese.) I did what she asked of me (dust and empty the dishwasher)... but the rest of my moments are spent on the stupid computer doing nothing that matters in the real world, and I want to go to sleep so I don't have to do/deal with anything. I hate this... my dad did this - he didn't deal with people or want to go do anything... and now I do that...
and this circles back to thoughts about my son... why in the world would he want to have anything to do with a mom that doesn't want to live life?
Comments (5)
Because even if she has trouble living life and wanting to live life, she does it anyway. She goes on, even though it would be easier to give up. She fights the darkness, and even though some days the darkness wins, she still fights it the next day, and the next week, and the next month. Because she hasn't giving up on reuniting. But most of all, BECAUSE SHE LOVES HIM. ...And because she has friends who care
Love you girl. Hugs. We should talk soon; I think we could both use some time to talk things out with a safe person. <3
@kissafrogfindaprince - thank you for the kind words... I did get some encouraging words today through my mom and son (via her) today. I am feeling better than when I posted this blog entry too. ((hug))
That's exciting! What encouraging words did you hear??
@kissafrogfindaprince - 1st that he has been calling my mom about once a week since he's learned that I've moved to Texas (before, she was havnig to call him about once a month). Also, he seems to be warming up to the idea (slowly) of being back in my life, somewhat, too. Guess I need to be patient with that -- and trying not to overly expect/hope from what I hear - because I know his feelings could change or there could be interference at any point too.
Also, my mom and I have been going to family counseling. She has agreed to be more detailed (get more details from him, if possible, too) about what's going on in his life -- and also has agreed to take 1-2 questions/statements from me to relay to Devon too. Now I just have to think of what to say/ask!
@a_stuck_creative - That's great, Katie! I hope you get to talk to him soon <3
Comments are closed.