December 27, 2011

• I'm back

   

  So, it turns out that the "blocks" on xanga and facebook at work are intermittent.  At least for now they are.. so I can spend my hours of sitting and waiting for a customer wasting time on the internet again.  Oh joy.

  Christmas wasn't all that - but it wasn't the worse I've experienced either, thankfully.  I don't know is worse - to be heartbroken once again for another Christmas without my son... or that I wasn't heartbroken this time around.  Not that I don't miss him - and not that I didn't try to call his dad and send a message to his dad's mother to request the ability to talk to him -- I did.... but my life didn't feel like it was falling apart because of it. I miss my son like crazy - but I guess I'm getting used to him not being there, sadly.  And it was a difficult place for me to be - that I couldn't send him a gift this year too.  That part really stinks the most... especially because I don't know what he thinks about i or what he's being told too. But perhaps this is all coming to an end soon... hopefully.  I have $260 more dollars to raise and then I can get an attorney to represent me for visitation that has been denied for over 3 years.

  Even though it's what I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for for these three years - I'm terrified of what is to come.  I hate that.  I have overcome so much - and worked so hard... and yet I am still afraid.  Afraid of letting my son down.  Afraid of "who" he is now as a teenager.  Afraid that I will have to go back to court repeatedly.  I know I will feel better once things are into place with my son - so I can see who he is, and we are able to adjust too.  One day at a time...

  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

  I have an uncle who is willing to help me get "something" short-term.  Not just short-term though - he wants it to be like a 24-48 hour thing (or close to that timespan).  He is willing to help me get a certificate or something to that affect, that will help me have regular income that will help me pay the bills.  This seems intriguing - however, unlikely.  I mean, really.. what's out there that's 24-48 hours long that creates a stable job???  Um... nada.  I think I could become a notary in that amount of time, nothing else that I can think of though. 

  I have been playing around with the idea of something else I would like to do... but I have some self doubts (that someone would hire "someone like me", that I would have the detail-orientedness that is needed, that I would be the kind of person to get results... I will keep my ideas to myself... but it's an idea that keeps swirling around in my head.

   

   

  • 4:36 pm
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