November 6, 2011

  • where am I at now?

     

    Things have moved forward but feel like they are moving backwards at times lately...

    • We (my attorney and I) will be going to court in the next month to get visitation with my son set up.  No date yet... Wait. Wait. Wait.  That's the plan for now, at least.

     

    • I'm worried about my son... he seems to be cut off more and more (by his father).  I feel strongly that his dad is feeling afraid and angry and trying to control everything and everyone our son has contact with... Doesn't he know he is hurting our son through his actions - and risking the future of his relationship with our son too?

     

    • My mom called about a week or so ago to tell me that my uncle offered to send me to this conference of sorts... called "Landmark Forum".  I told her I was wary about it - and basically that I wasn't interested in jumping into the next "quick fix" gimmick that they came along (she is always jumping on board with the newest things... )  She doesn't understand how much that hurts me - that she can't be consistent... that she thinks something is wrong with being stable, traditional, and not going with the flow of the newest craze. Whatever.  I sent her some info I found about the Landmark Forum (here and here) and basically showed that I wasn't interested.   I think I actually might have attended this thing back in 2000 anyhow... if it IS the one I attended, I remember a lot of mumbo jumbo, them trying to put people in a trance, and talking a lot about forgiveness (this of course promotes their organization - because when you go to the person that you want to forgive, and you tell family/friends about how you have forgiven the person that has hurt you the most in life - you of course are going to tell them it came about because of their conference.)

     

    • There is something I did a few days ago that I haven't told anyone about.  I don't know if I will either... Well, at least not right now.  It has to do with the infamous jk mentioned a long time ago...  I didn't do anything wrong... I think I did something to stand up for myself and to show that they need to be accounatable for their wrong-doing.  They were in a place of influence and responsibility in my life.. and they did not have the professional boundaries that were needed.  This in turn resulted in a lot of problems & heartache in my life (I take responsibility for my choices in the matter), but they have never owned up to their fault nor even apologized for their mistakes. I don't know that they will even face any reprocussions, but I know I did what I feel needed to be done in regards to their improper actions.  A part of me feels worried and sad for them -- and part of me feels like I need to definitely work through forgiving so many in regards to this overall matter still... Will I ever get there? I don't know -- but I do know I have made some progress in my healing.  I regret that they might have negative consequences for their actions - like they may also have felt bad that my actions had negative consequences.   

     

    • I had an interview the other day... it was for one-of-three admin asst positions that were available through that company.  I feel i was definitely qualified for at least one of them.. and hope they might give me a chance.  One of the problems that I had during the interview is that my face has been EXTREMELY broken out in the past week... more than I can remember in a very, verylong time in my life.  I don't know if it's been caused by something hormonal, something I've been eating, fabric detergent or what!!  It's plain awful!!  AND to top it off - i struggle badly with an "OCD tendency" to pick at sores. Ew, I know, I know... The second problem occured when she asked what I felt my greatest weakness was.  I was honest and told her that I get nervous in interview situations with my confidence... I kind of stammered in my answer too... She asked if I'm working on it - and how... Ack!  Yes, I told her... I'm going to counseling for it. DOUBLE ACK!!  (Katie, what were you thinking in telling her that?!?!?!)  I need to think of a new weakness to spill my guts about during interviews, that's for certain.