October 7, 2011

• cornered

   

  I don't think I wrote about this before - I have shared with a few friends about this though.  I would not share on here, except for the fact that this issue is causing me a lot more anxiety lately...

  The woman I am currently renting a room from (I'll call her "J" for clarification and privacy) is in her early 60s. That's not the part that stresses me... its one of her past-times that concern me though. 

  "J" has a very strong fondness for black men, who are in their 30s, many of whom are (or were) incarcerated.  I don't mention that they are black in judgement or prejudice - just as a fact.  She generally connects with them via a free phone chat line that she found.  She has a few guys that she's been talking to... and the calls are definitely unhealthy in nature.

  I have tried to talk to her about this... she gets upset if I say anything and says "everything's fine"... "I know them... they're fine".

  "J" talks to them a several times a week via the phone - giving out way, way too much personal information... and last night I overheard her offering to let one of them come over and mow the lawn, when they asked if they could.  Therefore, meaning she would invite this complete stranger to the home.  No doubetedly allowing them into the home.  No doubetedly, he will want compensation of some sort from her -- but I'm sure she would justify it or do something less than lady-like to compensate them.  I'm certain she wouldn't ask us if it was ok for him to come over... She might not even tell us - because I'm pretty certain she knows how I would feel about that.  Possibly she knows how the other roommate (I'll label her "S", for clarification & privacy) would feel too... but I'm not as certain about that - I don't think the other roommate shares how she feels about it with her too much.

  I am generally discerning - and sense that "J" will say she just wants friendship with them -- but opens herself to a lot, lot more.  The last "friend" ended up living with her.

  Our other roommate (S) came to me the other night and said that if she invites any of them to the house that she plans to call her daughter (technically, we all rent from J's daughter).  I don't know how this would play out if the daughter is contacted. 

  I know there is nothing I can say that will keep "J" from contacting these men, from opening up way too much in a safe & unhealthy way... and from putting us (her roommates) in a vulnerable and potentially unsafe situation. It makes me want to flee.  It makes me feel even more backed into a corner -- I can't afford to move anywhere else... and I feel kind of like God is only allowing this place to live as a punishment for all the choices I've made, while at the same time it's a blessing - because it's the only thing I could possibly afford at this point in my life. 

  . . . . . . . . . . .

  I hate feeling trapped. And abandoned. And vulnerable.
  I truly do.

   

   

  • 10:46 am
  • 2 Comments